i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
