Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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