Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
