I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
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