Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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