i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
