Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
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