i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
