I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Bring me that man meat
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
