its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
