You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize