does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
