just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
