Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
