I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
