i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
