tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
