Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
