we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize