Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
