An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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