I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
