I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
