I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
