u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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