There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
