my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
