she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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