A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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