Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
