My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
