i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
