True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize