He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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