whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
