I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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