Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Randomize
