I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
