Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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