I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
