You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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