It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize