when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Randomize
