I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
