I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
