She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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