***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
