Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
