your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
