but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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