I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Randomize
