my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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