it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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