I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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