right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
