i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
