She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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