That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
