Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize