is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
