3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
dude. I can hear the air.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
