saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
