Whatcha textin bout Willis?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
