So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Houston, we have a blender
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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