My Higher Power is John Stamos
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
