tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
my shit smells like andre
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
