just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
