I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I am one with the molecules
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
