I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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